Am I Crazy?

Sorry to have gone so long without a post - it's been super hectic now that I'm working.  Good.  Just hectic.  Which has meant little time for blogging despite having much to write about.  However, much as I'd like to write about daycare, working, how incredibly cute my kids are, etc., there's something else that's been on my mind.  I haven't talked to many people about in real life, just two others not including my husband.  And I can feel my heart starting to race just thinking about putting it out there for others to read.  Because maybe by posting this, I'll be putting things in motion and that's kind of scary.  But exciting.  So what's all the commotion about?  I think I'd like to be a gest.ational surr.ogate.

Crazy, huh?  But I just can't shake the feeling that while our family is complete, I'm just not done being pregnant.  I loved it.  I also feel like J and I got out of this IF journey pretty easily.  We were successful with our first IVF cycle and were trying to get pregnant for almost 2 1/2 years.  Compared to what others have been through - we were pretty damn lucky.  But I know that "but for the grace of G.od, there go I" (is that the saying?).  There was nothing about us that made us more worthy of success with the IVF jackpot.  And that's incredibly humbling.  And I really loved being pregnant.  Of course, I wonder if I'd be a good candidate not being the Queen of Fertility but I did make it to 35 weeks with my twins and despite a bit of spotting and modified bedrest, had a pretty easy pregnancy.

But for some reason, I can't help but wonder: so what would everyone think?  Which is odd since I don't really care what others think for the most part.  It's never been one of my hang ups.  So I'm surprised that that it is a thought I'm having.  Would people at work think I'm crazy?  Would my family think I've lost my marbles?  J is incredibly supportive and thinks I should go for it.  But he confessed that it's in part because he loved it when I was pregnant too - there were always sweets in the house.  I believe his exact words when I asked him how he felt were "oohh, ice cream would be in the freezer again!"

I've done some internet research on the process of becoming a surr.ogate and have looked at various agencies.  But I've held back contacting them.  I know, I just started my new job.  But I figure it's a fairly long process so it's not like I'd get matched and pregnant next week.

Since I've been so consumed by what others would think, of course I had to blog about it.  So am I crazy?

Comments

[Lut C.]

I have thought about it, strictly hypothetically though. What would I say at work, to family, to friends? Would I be able to handle handing over a baby - even it were genetically unrelated to me? Would I keep feeling responsible for it's well being, even if I never got to see the child again?

The reason I've thought about it is that I have an acquaintance who has gone through IVF after IVF without any success at all. Why them and not us? There's no logic to it.
I guess survivor's guilt (knock on wood still) drives me to even thinking about it at all.

In the same vein, I've been thinking whether I could be an egg donor. Honestly, I don't know. What if 18 years later, the child comes knocking your door with woeful tales of a bad childhood (whether or not due to the lack of biological link with one/both parents)? Could I bear wondering about that?

You're not crazy. :-)

[MsPrufrock]

I don't think it's remotely crazy. Though I would struggle with carrying a child and then giving it up (so to speak), I think it's a wonderful thing to do for someone else.

Between you and me, uh, and your readers, I quite liked being pregnant too.

[Flicka]

"Would people at work think I'm crazy? Would my family think I've lost my marbles?"

Ummm, yes. Yes, they would. But if it's something you'd like to do, then go for it! They will come around eventually. You might acquire a reputation as a die-hard do-gooder while they do, so be prepared for all the people who'll want to canonize you. :-)

I'll be curious to hear what your next steps are and if they will let you be a gestational surrogate. It's a thought I've had myself, although I'm obviously not a candidate, emotionally or physically.

[Jenn]

Crazy as I am. I'd love to be a GS. It's something I always wanted to do and I loved being pregnant. If I thought I'd be a good candidate, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Will you let me know if you look into it further and what the health requirements are? I feel like it's one of the things infertility took from us because I had wanted to do that before, and now I feel like who would want an infertile carrier?

[soralis]

I think it sounds like a wonderful idea if you are up to it. You have to do what is best for you and not worry what other people think. I am not sure I could do it, even if the baby wasn't my genetic material I don't think I could give the baby to it's parents. Good luck no matter what you decide.

[fisher queen]

I think it's a great idea. I feel so lucky to have had the Bear. I've been wanting to help others too. Although not as generously as you are! I don't think I could go through that...I was looking in to hosting IF support groups and doing Resolve's phone line.

[Nico]

I also don't think you're crazy, and have also considered it. We are (hopefully) not done with our own family, I don't think I'd want to do it before then, but at that point? As long as I'm not too old! I also loved being pregnant, and totally want to do it again.

[Ann]

L,
I just posted about my hypertension and worries about another pregnancy. I am toying with looking into finding a gest surr but it's a long process here and I am not sure at the moment. Too bad we don't live closer together.

[Sparkle]

Wow, what an amazing idea.
I too loved being pregnant and would love to have another go around - but another one for me!
So I get what you're thinking.
Perhaps if my family was complete - I could contemplate doing the same thing? But, I would truly need to be sure that I wouldn't want that baby to be mine.