Sorry to have gone so long without a post - it's been super hectic now that I'm working. Good. Just hectic. Which has meant little time for blogging despite having much to write about. However, much as I'd like to write about daycare, working, how incredibly cute my kids are, etc., there's something else that's been on my mind. I haven't talked to many people about in real life, just two others not including my husband. And I can feel my heart starting to race just thinking about putting it out there for others to read. Because maybe by posting this, I'll be putting things in motion and that's kind of scary. But exciting. So what's all the commotion about? I think I'd like to be a gest.ational surr.ogate.
Crazy, huh? But I just can't shake the feeling that while our family is complete, I'm just not done being pregnant. I loved it. I also feel like J and I got out of this IF journey pretty easily. We were successful with our first IVF cycle and were trying to get pregnant for almost 2 1/2 years. Compared to what others have been through - we were pretty damn lucky. But I know that "but for the grace of G.od, there go I" (is that the saying?). There was nothing about us that made us more worthy of success with the IVF jackpot. And that's incredibly humbling. And I really loved being pregnant. Of course, I wonder if I'd be a good candidate not being the Queen of Fertility but I did make it to 35 weeks with my twins and despite a bit of spotting and modified bedrest, had a pretty easy pregnancy.
But for some reason, I can't help but wonder: so what would everyone think? Which is odd since I don't really care what others think for the most part. It's never been one of my hang ups. So I'm surprised that that it is a thought I'm having. Would people at work think I'm crazy? Would my family think I've lost my marbles? J is incredibly supportive and thinks I should go for it. But he confessed that it's in part because he loved it when I was pregnant too - there were always sweets in the house. I believe his exact words when I asked him how he felt were "oohh, ice cream would be in the freezer again!"
I've done some internet research on the process of becoming a surr.ogate and have looked at various agencies. But I've held back contacting them. I know, I just started my new job. But I figure it's a fairly long process so it's not like I'd get matched and pregnant next week.
Since I've been so consumed by what others would think, of course I had to blog about it. So am I crazy?