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February 22, 2007


fisher queen

Of course it's painful. I would think it would take a long long time to process- and now youu don't have the time! I'm still processing the Bear and everything went well with him.

Don't let your family make you feel bad. They did things differently back then. My parents are always critical of things...it sucks. off to nurse-


You know, ever since I can remember, I'e always thought I would do CIO with my kids. I have a whole bunch of reasons why. But then...then we went to Germany and I feel deeply, deeply in love with my nephew. I heard him crying late one night (he wasn't even really awake, just kind of fussing for a minute before falling back asleep) and the urge to go into his room, pick him up and comfort him was nearly overwhelming. I wasn't expecting it to hit me so hard but the thought that he might ever go without comfort made my stomach tie up into knots. now I wonder what I'll do with my kids because if I feel that strongly about my nephew...

You're a good mom, Lori. And more to the point you *are* the mom. Do what you think is right as far as CIO goes...you know your kids and their needs better than anyone else.


My son is 4yrs and I am not over it. My own mother has a difficult time when she shares stories of my birth and how she left me alone in the NICU.

Your instincts will guide you in doing what is best for your babies.


I don't think that anyone who hasn't left a baby in the NICU can truly understand. Everything you said makes a lot of sense though.

As far as cio, I totally agree that they're too young for it. I don't go in to A the instant he cries, because sometimes he'll just let out a yelp or two and then fall back asleep on his own, but as soon as it's clear that its more than that, I'm in there.

Emmie (Better Make It A Double)

I know - believe me, I do. My boys were "feeder grower babies" too, but it was still very hard, though my hospital had rooming in. It still is sometimes, especially now that my SIL are both pregnant and I have to watch their healthy singleton pregnancies up close. You respond to those babies of youra as fast as you want to. It will get much easier, and you will heal, but it will take time. Hang in there - you did great.


My boys were only required to be in the NICU for about 5 days but had to stay there much longer due to my condition and inability to care for them. It broke my heart at the time and I didn't want my husband to leave them for even a moment. They are a year and 1/2 and it still bothers me, but I suppose like many other things time will pass and the memories won't be as consuming.

Take care and give it time.


My son was in the "special care unit" of our hospital for the week after he was born. I completely know how you feel. He had pneumonia, but was not anywhere near being life threatening. It took me a very long time after his birth to feel like everything was going to be ok. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way. You're entitled to feel this way. I also felt so horrendously awful leaving him every night in care of somebody else and also fearing that he was going to bond with the nurses instead of me or somebody was just going to take him. I think it's a natural feeling as mommies to feel this way. The best way you can cope with this is to look at the positive that came out of the whole situation....that your babies are happy and healthy, and they're in YOUR care now...that's all that matters. I hope this helped you a little bit...


I know the feeling. Was dealing with my last foster/adopt daughter in the NICU for almost 2 months and then the hospital was almost 4 hours round trip so we didn't get to visit as much as we wanted.

I'm glad you're babies didn't have too hard a fight. It was rough watching my little girl on and off the ventilator for 2 months.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know how scary it was.


Just wanted to chime in--our twins were in the NICU for three weeks and I still think it affects the way we parent. We also never wanted them to cry and we went to them every time they cried. They still turned into good sleepers (when they're not using crib time to play with each other!). And they're happy and secure kids. I think you need to do what feels right for you guys. And you should never have to dismiss it or explain it.


Like everyone else has said, your feelings are completely understandable. In some ways, I think it might have been harder for you to leave your babies at the hospital than it was for me because my kids required a lot of medical attention that I clearly could not provide on my own, whereas for grower-feeders, there is more a sense that you as the mother should be contributing more in some way. But you must realize that you did everything you could do for them while they were in the hospital and, more importantly, you are doing everything you need to do for them now. You are an excellent mother, and the feelings you're experiencing right now are proof of that.


it does get easier though I think mandatory cousiling should be in order for those who end up with an nicu stay. You are not alone in your feelings.
My girl is 6 now and it bears no daily pain.
Happy...sorting through that time, time.


I think that anytime away from your newborn babies would be very difficult. It is too bad that your family is being judgemental about your parenting. It is best that you do what feels right for you and your babies.


It was thirty one years ago I had my 'baby' and I can still make myself cringe over what I did or didn't do for her today. Motherhood is so full of guilt because it is the only thing in our lives we actually expect ourselves to do perfectly. The best part may be the new understanding you have for your own mother's limitations and trials.

Nobody does it perfectly -- but anyone who cares as deeply as you do about them will do perfectly enough.


I'm totally there with you, and just posted about this recently. I happened upon some NICU pictures yeaterday of other babies (not even mine) and sobbed. I think it's become a part of me, sadly, even though we're all OK now.

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